What to do when he's really bad in bed
Even though what happens between the sheets is only a fraction of what makes a fulfilling relationship, still - it's a pretty important fraction. You might think the only options are to bruise his ego or continue bruising your vajay-jay, but there are plenty of ways to go from sparklers to fireworks in the sack
Your gut reaction might be to scream, "What the f *** was that?" Resist the urge. Get dressed, limp out of the room and collect your thoughts. Here's how to decide the best course of action for your relationship (pun intended):
Do some digging
In other words, don't just focus on the act - take into consideration what happens leading up to the act that might be impacting his performance. For example, does bad sex happen after too many cocktails or not enough sleep, after a long day at work or during a tight deadline? Then, make adjustments.
Define what "good sex" is for you
You have to know what your definition of "good sex" is - how else will you be able to transition from "no" to "oh" in the bedroom? "I ended up marrying the guy who was terrible in bed because I thought it wasn't that important," says Donna. "Oh, how wrong I was!""Our bodies all respond differently to various sexual stimulation," says Carol Anne Austin, sex educator and psychotherapist for Kimberly Moffit and Associates. "It's really important to let our partners know what we like and listen to what their preferences are."
Don't start finger-pointing
"You're in this together, so make it about the two of you, not a finger-pointing session where you list his downfalls," says relationship expert April Masini. Chances are he'll have a complaint or two as well - make any sex discussions you have a proactive, two-way street.Choose a neutral location"Always discuss sex outside the bedroom so you don't tie negative feelings to your respective homes," says Masini. "Negative feelings about sex will sabotage good sex." Go for a walk or drive together and find a quiet place to communicate.
Don't make it sound like a sex lecture
Instead of turning the issue into an educational discussion that might scare his penis away entirely, just chat casually - and periodically - throughout your relationship to recap and become closer. "Recount memories of sexual experiences you've had together and the specific things you found to be exciting," says Austin. "This can be a great way to open up about your preferences while keeping your partner's ego intact."
Read to each other
Dive into the wide world of erotic fiction, read to each other your favorite passages and use them to experiment - while indirectly sharing what piques your interest most.
Don't fake it till you make it
"If you're faking your O, then your partner will think he's doing a great job and will keep doing what he's doing," says Austin. It's completely OK to not have an orgasm, especially when you're still getting to know each other's preferences. It really can be as simple as saying, "This is what I like," and "This is what I don't." There's no need to make it personal.
Break up
Even after pointing out where improvements could be made, Belle found her lady parts were still being ravaged by her boyfriend - and not in a good way. "I jumped out of bed and yelled, 'You're hurting me! I've told you this before!'" His reply? "I forgot
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6ways to make sex fun
1
Sex is a feast for the senses - the aroma of your partner's sweaty body, the feeling of their hands touching you, the sounds of their moans as you pleasure one another, the sight of another human being who wants nothing more than to ravish you. ... so why not make it a feast for ALL the senses by including food in your lovemaking? Chocolates, strawberries, popcorn, chili ... add the taste of love.
Follow....
6 ways to make sex fun
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Contrary to popular belief, you do not need a working knowledge of 52 sex positions or a background in porn to be ridiculously good in bed. Instead, it comes down to more subtle (and realistic) factors that you may already posses. And if you do not, we're here to help you hone the skills you really need to blow your partner's mind
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What His Favorite Sex Position Says About Him
One simple act that can be done in countless ways means whatever choice he makes says a lot about who he is as a man. So here's what each means about your guy, along with his yearbook superlative and what I'm guessing his favorite dirty talk phrase is
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Sex In The Middle Ages: 10 Titillating Facts You Wanted To Know But Were Afraid to Ask
Without the Christian church of the Middle Ages, Sigmund Freud of the 19th century would have been out of work. Many of the deepest ideas and notions of sex that we hold today were formulated and laid down in the Middle Ages, especially by the Church's sometimes confused and other times severe pronouncements
The Church had opinions and laws about every aspect of sex. Adultery and fornication in some cases were sins punishable by death, but for a time the Church actually condoned prostitution, admitting that it was a necessary evil. And in the early part of the Middle Ages, priests were actually allowed to marry and have children
But despite the Church's overall opposition to sex, it appeared to be very interested in the subject. Descriptions of sex acts were often described in great detail that sounded as if they were written with some enjoyment. One wonders whether if these early theologians were just a little titillated by the subject as they wrote their long polemics on sexuality
1--Courtly Love: You can look, but you'd better not touch
The Church forbade open expression of sexual desire, but the medieval notion of "courtly love" suggested that love and admiration could exist somewhere between erotic desire and spiritual attainment. One writer defined courtly love as something "at once illicit and morally elevating, passionate and disciplined, humiliating and exalting, human and transcendent
Courtly love is associated with the Knight who falls in love with the married woman - or at least the idea of the pure woman. He admires her from afar, goes to war for her, and sacrifices his life
Troubadours, medieval singers who went from town to town, singing love songs, often represented this idea of courtly love, with an undercurrent of sexuality. An example is a Spanish song about a young woman visiting a nearby stream
2--Adultery: Keep your pants on, mister!
For anyone serious about Christian morality, sex was not an option. Celibacy was the ideal way to conduct one's life and sex was condoned only as part of a marriage. Pre-marital or extra-marital sex was a serious risk, if you had to "scratch an itch." Priests were required to report adulterers and fornicators (those having sex outside of marriage) and punishments could range from years of doing penance to death
But it wasn't just the Church that disapproved of adultery and fornication, it was also noblemen, who wanted to be certain that any children of their marriage were, in fact, their own. One real life story of courtly love gone wrong involved King Phillip of France (also known as "Phillip the Fair"). He discovered that his three daughters were having intimate relations with some of his knights and had the men publicly disemboweled. His daughters were then sent to monasteries and one of them was possibly murdered.
In reality, there was a more lenient attitude, especially in rural populations where sexual dalliances were routine. Often the priests would try to force the "sinners" to marry, and all would be forgiven. If marriage was out of the question, punishments could involve years of penance.
3--Sexual Positions: Insert tab A into slot B
The Church even dictated how you were supposed to have sex. Anything other than the common "missionary position," for example, was considered unnatural and therefore a sin, according to the Church. The woman on top position, or entering her from the rear (sex a tergo) were not favored because they interfered with the natural order of male-female roles. Anal and oral sex were sins because they could only be practiced for pleasure, not procreation, which for the purists was the only purpose of sex
Punishments for those using “deviant” sexual positions could be very harsh: three years' penance for the woman on top and the same for both oral intercourse and sex a tergo , which was generally seen as the most sinful position ... with the possible exception of anal intercourse
These were the official ideas of the Church, but some "progressive" theologians began to question these ideas. Albertus Magnus named five sexual positions and ranked them from most acceptable to least acceptable: 1) missionary, 2) side-by-side, 3) sitting, 4) standing and 5) a tergo. Magnus said the missionary was the only completely "natural" position; the others were "morally questionable but not mortally sinful. In certain situations, however, (such as extreme obesity), these other positions could be not only acceptable but even practical.
4--Homosexuality: Psst! Come into my closet, brother!
The Church's stand on homosexuality was bluntly stated by the Catholic theologian, Peter Damian in his Book of Gommorah. Sodomy was defined as "acts against nature" and included the following: solitary masturbation, mutual masturbation, copulation between the thighs (interfemoral sex), and copulation "in the rear," or anal sex (the last phrase was so upsetting to some readers , it was often left out). St. Thomas Aquinas expanded the definition of sodomy to include all acts other than vaginal intercourse. He also named lesbianism a sinThe church began to prosecute sexual sinners in the 12th and 13th centuries. Sodomy was punishable by death, which could involve mutilation, burning at the stake, hanging, and, in the case of priests caught in the act, being hung in a suspended cage until they starved to death
There is, however, evidence of highly placed figures that were homosexuals. King Richard I (the Lionheart) of England was thought to be homosexual; it is rumoured that he met his wife Berenegaria while in a sexual relationship with her brother, the future King Sancho VII of Navarre. It is also reported that he and King Philip II of France were sexually involved. An historian of the time said they "ate from the same dish and at night slept in one bed" and had a "passionate love between them".
5 -- The Fashion of Virility: Is that a codpiece, or are you just happy to see me
One of the most popular fashion accessories of the Middle Ages was the codpiece - a flap or pouch that attached to the front of the crotch of men's trousers and accentuated it in such a way as to emphasize or exaggerate the genitals. They were stuffed with sawdust or cloth and held closed by string ties, buttons, or other methods. The crotch was often extremely large or gave the idea of an erect penis. The word, codpiece, comes from the Middle English word, cod, which means scrotum
Another symbol of virility in fashion was a style of shoe called the poulaine. These were long, pointy-toed shoes, that were also meant to suggest the size of the wearer's penis - the longer point, the more virile the man.
Codpieces and poulaines are frequently seen in the paintings of the Dutch artist, Pieter Breugel. There is a portrait of Henry VIII, one of the great "fashion horses" of the later Middle Ages, wearing both.
Understandably, the Church did not appreciate these articles of clothing, calling them "fashions of the devil
6 -- Dildos: "A size to match your sinful desire"
There are some references to the use of dildos by women in the Middle Ages, in particular, this one in a Church "penitential," a book that prescribes punishments for sins.Have you done what certain women are accustomed to do, that is to make some sort of device or implement in the shape of the male member of a size to match your sinful desire? If you have done this, you shall do penance for five years on legitimate holy days. "
The word dildo was not actually used until the Renaissance period, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, but one fanciful explanation of its origin was a small elongated loaf of bread flavored with dill, thus "dilldough."
7 -- Virginity and Chastity: Jumping off the sex wagon!
The medieval Church's belief that celibacy was the only way one could worship God was embodied in the Virgin Mary. In the Middle Ages, virginity would have been an ideal to aspire to, but it was rarely achieved by commoners and nobles alike.
But it was possible to become a "born-again" virgin. The Church made it possible for women who not only had had sex, but who had mothered children, to confess their "sins," perform years of penance and spend their remaining years in a convent. Women who chose this path renounced their so-called role in the "original sin" (of tempting Adam with the Fruit of Knowledge) and joined what was known as the Cult of the Virgin.
Chastity has almost the same meaning as virginity. Many believe the "chastity belt," a belt worn by women over their vaginas to prevent penetration, was a medieval phenomenon. In fact, it was an invention of the 19th century.
8 -- Contraception: If the dam breaks
Throughout the Middle Ages, the Church was more concerned with the sins of pleasure resulting from "unnatural" sexual acts than with the issue of contraception. Theologians disagreed with contraception then, as now, but the Church appeared to be less concerned about it than denouncing the many other sinful practices. Contraception was viewed as a minor moral problem, not a mortal sin.Apart from the practice of coitus interruptus, there are some references to condom use by men. Condoms, then, consisted of animal bladders or intestines tied with twine and were reused many times. It appears they were used more as a way of preventing venereal diseases, such as syphilis. Later versions of the condom were made with linen. The first contraceptive use of the condom was not until the mid 1600s.
Women sometimes used pessaries, concoctions of a variety of ingredients that acted as a kind of spermicide. They were applied inside the vagina. One pessary recipe consisted of ground dates, acacia bark, and a touch of honey mixed into a moist paste. The wool or cloth was then soaked in this mixture and inserted inside the vagina.
9 -- Sexual Dysfunction: Wake up and make love with me!
If a man could not perform sex, the Church brought in a special group of "private investigators" - wise village women who would examine the husband's penis and assess their general health to determine if they were capable of performing sex for procreation (and pleasure) . If the penis was deformed, or if there was some other reason he could not consummate the marriage, the couple would be separated.
Many medieval physicians in Europe were great followers of Islamic medicine. Muslim physicians and pharmacists were the first to prescribe medication for the treatment of erectile dysfunction, including drug therapy combined with diet. Most of these drugs were oral medication, though a few patients were also treated through topical and transurethral means.
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Women and Libido at Midlife
Reading some comments in response to last week's post about the attempts to develop a female equivalent to Viagra made me aware that although there are many women who are eagerly awaiting such a drug, there are many others who would not consider a drug to boost their libido
That's why it's so important to try to understand and examine what's really going on with libido at midlife, a time when so many changes are taking place in our bodies and catching us unaware.
The North American Menopause Society (NAMS) has a thing or two to say on the subject. Sex drive decreases gradually with age in both men and women, they say, but it's different for women: they are two to three times as likely to lose that lovin 'feeling.
The North American Menopause Society (NAMS) has a thing or two to say on the subject. Sex drive decreases gradually with age in both men and women, they say, but it's different for women: they are two to three times as likely to lose that lovin 'feeling.
Menopause, along with its infamous hot flashes, night sweats and vaginal dryness as a result of plunging estrogen levels, can pose a challenge to a woman's libido and sexual desire. That's one reason why drug companies are busy trying to create a female equivalent of Viagra. Other treatments women consider, like testosterone, have modest effects and there's limited knowledge about the long-term safety as it relates to breast cancer or heart disease (although studies are ongoing).
My recent visit to Tucson's famed Miraval Resort & Spa shed some light on the topic when I attended a lecture, "Let's Talk About Sex (for Women Only)," led by Sheryl Brooks, a registered nurse and certified menopause practitioner.
I had the opportunity to ask Sheryl some key questions
My recent visit to Tucson's famed Miraval Resort & Spa shed some light on the topic when I attended a lecture, "Let's Talk About Sex (for Women Only)," led by Sheryl Brooks, a registered nurse and certified menopause practitioner.
I had the opportunity to ask Sheryl some key questions
Q. What are the changes that come with perimenopause and menopause that can have an impact on a woman's libido and sex life?
A. For some women, the perimenopause transition or becoming a postmenopausal woman has little effect on their libido or vaginal comfort during sex. But for others there can be one or several-like sleep disruption, night sweats, mood swings or decreased vaginal lubrication (that can make sex uncomfortable
Q. What about the emotional changes? Perhaps women are stressed, fatigued, have an emotional disconnect with their partner, etc. What are some problems you see that may get in the way of a satisfying sex life? And what would you recommend women do to help overcome this and maintain, or perhaps rediscover, their ability to have a satisfying sex life with their partners?
A. All the things you mentioned can impact our sex lives. Making time to connect on a regular basis with their partner, getting at least seven hours of sleep most nights and getting some stress management tools, like meditation, are all things to consider
Q. So many midlife women worry about their body image and as a result may feel self-conscious or a lack of desire. Any advice?
A. Realize that you are looking at your body in a much more critical and negative way than your partner does. If your partner admires your body, believe what they say instead of pointing out the flaws you think they missed.
Q. How can a woman get back in touch with her body at midlife?
A. Set the intention to be fully present in your body throughout the day as well as during sex so you can really appreciate and enjoy the sensations we are designed to experience.
Q. Can you suggest a dialogue a woman can have with her partner to open the discussion about wanting a more satisfying sex life?
A. I think the best approach is to be honest about what is going on from her perspective-not criticize-and to let her partner know that she would like to work together to make their relationship and sex life a priority. We all know how to talk with our own partners and what approach is best.
Q. What about the vaginal changes, like thinning tissue, diminished blood supply, lack of lubrication, etc.? What can women do?
A. You just described the changes that often occur with lack of estrogen. For some women, these changes will be significant; for others, not. Lubricants used during sex and vaginal moisturizers (both used on a regular basis) can reduce discomfort during sex. Also, regular vaginal sex activity helps to maintain vaginal tissue. When sex becomes uncomfortable or painful, a woman should make a point to discuss treatment options with her health care provider.
Note: According to NAMS, vaginal dryness that is menopause-related can lead to pain during sex and may also be associated with arousal troubles. Topical treatments are available as nonprescription and non-medicated lubricants and moisturizers as well as prescription-only topical forms of estrogen therapy
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Reasons You're Not Having Sex 5
For many people, having frequent sex is one of the best parts of being in a relationship. Great sexual chemistry might be one reason why you and your partner got together in the first place! But if that's the case, why do so many couples end up in sexless relationships?According to recent statistics, more than 40 million Americans are living in sexless marriages, and 15 percent of couples have sex 10 times a year or less. If this sounds like you and it's bothering you or your partner, you might want to figure out what's behind it. Consider these possibilities.
Problem: You're too tired
Solution: Get more restNot getting enough sleep is bad for your mind and body, and being tired can put you in a bad mood and reduce your desire for intimacy. If you're denying your partner because you'd rather sleep than fool around, make it a point to change your sleep schedule for more shut-eye. You could try having sex in the morning or afternoon instead of before bed.
Problem: You're not confident about your body
Solution: Take steps to feel better about yourselfMany people stop having sex because they feel self-conscious about their bodies. If you put on a little weight or haven't had time to shop for new underwear lately, you might not feel sexy to your partner. It's not always easy to eat healthier and exercise more, but you can take steps to be more comfortable with your body as it is now. As you're taking small steps toward healthier living, work on thinking more positively about yourself. Ask a friend to help you shop for some new clothes or lingerie that fit and flatter your shape and help you feel sexy at any size.
Problem: You have age-related issues
Solution: Try medication or lubeAging couples may find that sex isn't as enjoyable. Men may have trouble getting an erection, while women may feel drier during perimenopause and after menopause. Speak to a health care provider or a sex therapist to find treatments for these problems, like medication or a vaginal moisturizer or lubricant.
Problem: Your kids are always around
Solution: Find alone timeOnce you have kids, it may feel like you and your partner are never alone together, and when you are, you're often too worn out to engage in sexual activities. If this is the case, schedule regular date nights, preferably with a sitter who's willing to spend the night with your kids. When you're at a hotel or your kids are at Grandma's, you'll have plenty of uninterrupted time to fool around.
Problem: You don't talk about sex
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Keeping Passion in Your Relationship
You know, I'm so glad we're talking today about the issue of sexuality. But, I want to expand the discussion somewhat from just sexuality, to sexuality, passion and intimacy. While the three are different, they are all connected.
Just consider: Can't holding hands be as intimate as intercourse? Doesn't the fact your partner did the laundry, folded it and put it away (without being asked!) Make you want him as much as candles and flowers? Can't the passion you feel sharing your child's first word with your partner, or buying your first house together, be just as vital as the passion you experience during a marathon lovemaking session?
I submit that it is. That's why it's important to bring passion and intimacy into the everyday corners of your life instead of saving them for the bedroom, vacations or romantic outings.Easier said than done, you say. Well, maybe. But it really doesn't have to be that difficult. Here are a handful of simple yet effective ways to bring passion and intimacy to the everyday:
Pursue a new hobby together. It could be wine tasting, a high school sports team you follow closely or reading the same book and discussing it. Do something together that enhances your knowledge of a subject and of each other.
Exercise together. Walk, run, do sit ups. Be a support partner for each other and acknowledge any small gains made for getting healthier and sexier. Consider showering together.
Touch each other 10 times a day. It could be anything from a kiss to a pinch, but the understanding is that this is not going to lead directly to sex. It's just a way of physically connecting with one another.
Exercise together. Walk, run, do sit ups. Be a support partner for each other and acknowledge any small gains made for getting healthier and sexier. Consider showering together.
Touch each other 10 times a day. It could be anything from a kiss to a pinch, but the understanding is that this is not going to lead directly to sex. It's just a way of physically connecting with one another.
Plan, prepare and cook a meal together. You'd be surprised at the sensual punch cooking a meal together can have. And, of course, you get to enjoy it with each other.
Schedule a sex date. Planning for sex builds up excitement, expectation and desire that normally just isn't there when you crawl into bed at 11 pm
Schedule a sex date. Planning for sex builds up excitement, expectation and desire that normally just isn't there when you crawl into bed at 11 pm
Put a lock on your bedroom door. This is particularly important if you have children (or adult children) still at home, or even a dog that's used to having the run of the place.
Set a moratorium on all sex for several weeks or even a month. That doesn't mean you can't continue touching one another and talking about sex. You just can't have sex. The sheer act of prohibiting something makes it all the more enticing.
Set a moratorium on all sex for several weeks or even a month. That doesn't mean you can't continue touching one another and talking about sex. You just can't have sex. The sheer act of prohibiting something makes it all the more enticing.
Be realistic about the time sex takes to accomplish. We all have busy lives and likely are exhausted by days' end. But, don't let the sex act take on unrealistic proportions. After all, it probably takes only about 10 minutes from start to finish for most people.
Your Cultural Background in the Bedroom
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facts about sex that people often get wrong 10
Brush up on sex facts and fiction as we bust some common mythsSales of condoms decrease when a recession hitsFictionWhen the stock market took a dive, other things began to rise. Sales of condoms jumped by over 6 per cent in the last quarter of 2008 in the USA. Either it's too expensive to go out, or too expensive to have a kid or both.2 . More than 1 out of every 10 online sites are pornography.Fact
Keeping Passion in Your Relationship
You know, I'm so glad we're talking today about the issue of sexuality. But, I want to expand the discussion somewhat from just sexuality, to sexuality, passion and intimacy. While the three are different, they are all connected.
Just consider: Can't holding hands be as intimate as intercourse? Doesn't the fact your partner did the laundry, folded it and put it away (without being asked!) Make you want him as much as candles and flowers? Can't the passion you feel sharing your child's first word with your partner, or buying your first house together, be just as vital as the passion you experience during a marathon lovemaking session?
This New Natural Testosterone Booster Has Men Everywhere Raving
This New Natural Testosterone Booster Has Men Everywhere Raving
It's a disturbing thought, one that usually hits after an unexpected physical challenge. Maybe you've been unable to maintain your usual workout levels, or recovery is taking a lot longer than it used to. Perhaps fixes to the house are just a bit more difficult, or you can't perform in the bedroom the way you used to.
From clash to pash in three simple steps
From clash to pash in three simple steps
Fighting is easy; making up not so easy.
Sometimes it's much simpler to sweep rage under the rug and leave it. But the post-clash repair process is probably the most important part of the fight because it forces you to work together to understand each other. That may in turn solidify your relationship, says Dr Daniel Wile, author of After the Fight.Try this three-step plan for settling your next spat and you'll wind up holding hands - not grudges.
days of hot sex 30
Taking a nonstop shagathon all in the name of science
Four years ago, US pastor Paul Wirth created a stir when he asked married couples to do the deed - wait for it - 30 days in a row, in a bid to tackle the nation's 50 per cent divorce rate. He reckons a stable relationship needs a spiritual, emotional and sexual connection
Benefits of Outdoor Sex
Get fresh while you're getting fresh air
Get fresh while you're getting fresh air. Sure, getting it on outdoors might look hot in the movies (think True Romance). But in real life, it isn't always like that (think sand, sticks, insects) - plus, it's against the law.
Her Favorite Sex Toys 6 Lessons You Can Learn from Her Sex Toys
Study her gadgets and unlock the secrets to pleasing her every time
So, your ladyis using toys. We can see how this might feel threatening-like she's replacing you with a better, battery-operated alternative. But if she's really into her vibrator, it doesn't mean she isn't getting enough from you. Over half of women have used sex toys, according to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, so there's a good chance she's got one stashed somewhere in her drawer.
http://celebrity707article.blogspot.com/2014/04/her-favorite-sex-toys-6-lessons-you-can.html
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