secrets to a long - and 7 happy marriage

secrets to a long - and 7 happy marriage 

1. "Divorce? Never. Murder? Often! "Entering matrimony with the mindset that "divorce is not an option" is vital for the long-term success of marriage, say the Marriage Masters (a term we gave couples who have been happily married over 40 years). They went on to explain that this kind of mindset allows a couple to see solutions to marriage's boiling points - and trust us, not one of our interviewee couples avoided such periods of relational strife - which would have otherwise been overlooked simply because one eye was too busy examining exit strategies.

Marriage Masters simplify this into one word: Commitment. And they're quick to point out that commitment is the virtue sorely missing from today's marriages. That said, there are deal breakers that very few of our interviewed couples advocated working through. These are known as the three A's - addiction, adultery, and abuse. A marriage overwhelmed by any of these three issues is unhealthy, plain and simple, and the Marriage Masters suggest that if you find yourself overwhelmed with any of the three A's, take care of yourself (and your safety) first, and the marriage second.
In the end, the old saying holds true: where your attention goes, energy flows. So the next time you're facing a mountain in your marriage, focus on the next foothold and soon enough you'll find yourself over the top.
2. "There's no such thing as a perfect marriage, only perfect moments."We were shocked to discover how much work went into creating a great marriage. We'd always figured, "Hey, I'll just find my soul mate and things will naturally fall into place after that ... we'll live happily ever after." Um, not so fast, one Marriage Master wife said with a certain look that meant business. "Whoever said being soul mates was going to be easy?" Her husband of 52 years nodded, then added, "Marriage is a bed of roses, thorns and all."
Any time two individuals live together (especially over 40 years) there are bound to be annoying, irritating, and frustrating experiences. But whether it's the toothpaste cap, toilet seat, snoring, or the last-minute pull-the-car-over-to-check-the-score-of-the-game-at-the-local-bar move, one thing is for sure: the best marriages are served with an extra helping of acceptance for one another's peccadilloes. "And that's the beauty of marriage," said Maurice, another Marriage Master. "All of our individualities, all of our wonderful differences. You gotta have friction. You can't get any heat without friction. "
We would do well, they say, to expect non-perfection; practice patience and give the acceptance we want in return. There's no doubt that this is hard work, but judging by the end result, it's well worth the effort.

3. Unpack the Gunnysack"People ask us our secret to marriage," said John, married 48 years. "I tell them it's the boxing gloves. We aren't afraid to say what's on our minds. "
FiresideUnexpressed frustrations in a marriage can pile up and weigh us down like an overloaded gunnysack. These accumulated frustrations can quickly turn into resentments. "Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die," said Sally, married 50 years. "Resentment will eat away at your marriage." The Marriage Masters encourage us to unpack the "gunnysacks" by opening the communication lines as frequently as possible.
But guess what? If we haven't created and nurtured an environment where open, honest communication is welcomed and treated with diligent respect, then we can wave these crucial "clearing the air" moments goodbye. So where did some Marriage Masters go to build that trusting, open environment? Weekend marriage retreats! These powerful getaways stood out in many of our interviewees' minds as the one experience that turned their faltering marriage into a flourishing one. The trick, of course, is convincing the husband to attend.
4. Never Stop DatingIt has been said that it's the quality of time, not the quantity of time that matters. But now we know, thanks to the Marriage Masters, that it's the quantity of quality time spent together that leads to a wonderful marriage. Whether it's a vacation in the Bahamas, or simply spending a night at a local motel once a week, keeping the romance burning is easy: all you have to do is keep stoking the fire.
One woman, married 47 years before her husband passed away, disclosed her secret to lifelong love. Every night, when her husband came home from work, they went up to their bedroom and hung a sign on the door that read "Do Not Disturb: Marriage In Progress." For the following fifteen minutes they'd focus all their attention on one another. No phones, no pets, no distractions; even the kids knew that mom and dad were not to be bothered. When asked what they did in their bedroom, she laughed and said she'd leave that to our imaginations. That was probably best anyway.
5. "Love is a four-letter word spelled GIVE"Marriage Masters have a high degree of selflessness. "I'll never forget what my mentor told my wife and me before we got married 42 years ago," said a Marriage Master named Walter. "He looked at us and said, 'Most people think marriage is 50/50. It's not. It's 60/40. You give 60. You take 40. And that goes for both of you. '"

It's always super-apparent in the best of the best marriages that both spouses have followed this philosophy. Though it's not a difficult concept to understand - putting one another first-it's surely a bit more difficult to practice consistently, especially with the prevailing "Me first (and second)" mentality today. "The younger generations seem to have a sort of me-me-me mentality," says Donna Lee, married 45 years. "The great part is that the me gets everything it needs when it puts the we first."
6. Join the CMAT ClubGrandma Dorothy Manin, the inspiration for Project Everlasting with her 63 years of beautiful matrimony, formed an informal club when she turned 70 years old. She called it the CMAT club. The CMAT club stands for Can't Miss A Thing and represents the idea that life is short, so make sure to enjoy as much as you can. The death rate for human beings hovers right around 100 percent, and is expected to remain there for ... well, forever. Consider this: if the average life span is 77 years, then that means we only have 77 summers ... 77 winters ... 77 Christmas mornings ... 77 New Years, and that's it. The Marriage Masters know this all too well. It's easy to get caught in the day-to-day craziness of life and, in the process, take our spouses for granted. A widow named Betty, married 54 years, says, "Now that he's gone I wish I hadn't had so many headaches."
The Marriage Masters are here to remind us that this adventure we call life goes by in the blink of an eye; relish your sweetheart's presence while he or she is still here.
7. The Discipline of Respect"You can have respect without love," said Tom, married 42 years, "but you can't have love without respect." His sentiments were not uncommon in our 250-plus interviews around the nation. By and large, the number one secret to a thriving, everlasting marriage, as declared by the Marriage Masters, is respect. It is the catalyst for all things beautiful in a relationship: trust, connection, authenticity, and love. Unfortunately, respect - in all its seeming simplicity - is too easily overlooked, leading to criticism and all the ugliness that eventually causes both spouses to wonder (and vehemently): How in the heck did I ever fall in love with this person? 

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Reeling From Divorce? How to Heal After a Bad Divorce

Reeling From Divorce? How to Heal After a Bad Divorce 

If you are in the midst of a divorce, you gave up so much to make a marriage work. It didn't. If he left you, then you are holding a bag of resentment and hurt. If you left him, you've been grieving the loss of your marriage for some time. We all want to rage at the world, or crawl into a depressed spot when we feel the injustice and randomness of our pain.
How do you get over a bad divorce and heal from the emotional upheaval?
People tell you to "move on" or, to "let it go" but that is easier said than done. You need to heal; but how?
Letting go of the hopes and dreams we had for a marriage is difficult. It takes time and patience with yourself and your rollercoaster emotions.
The key to moving on is the work of taking control back and owning your life - and believe it or not, there's a psychological technology for this. It's called Radical Acceptance. As long as you live in regret, anger, anxiety and fear, there is no going forward.
 Six Steps to Healing After Divorce:
Give Yourself Permission to Mourn:
You sacrificed a lot for your marriage and it didn't work out, feeling hurt, anger, remorse, guilt, or shame is normal. Your will have to go through all the steps of grief. Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance will all course through you like tsunamis trying to take over.
Get a good therapist and grieve properly. You may still be angry with your narcissistic ex or your adulterous husband, and that is a part of the healing process. If, however, you get stuck in one of the phases of grief, like anger or depression, make sure that you have a good therapist and support group to help you get unstuck.
Let Go of Trying to Control Everything:
The universe dealt you a hand, and focusing on how you could have played it better in the past or what may have happened with a different set of cards is rarely productive. Admit that divorce cost you something - be it emotionally, financially, or both and then "let it go." Bad things do happen to good people.
If you become stuck in a sense of injustice, you will miss much of what life has to offer and the world will miss what you have to offer in return. Some people form entire identities around a sense of being wronged, and many of them will go on to hurt others in the way you were hurt. It is enough to be victimized; don't let the victim role victimize you as well.
Trust That Things Will Get Better:
Things WILL get better, and you won't feel this way forever. Healing is something your body wants. It's something your children want. When you physically injure yourself, your body naturally reacts and begins to repair. Your soul is striving for equilibrium as well. Trust that you are prepared for the future and help yourself move on.
Stay Open to Forgiveness:
Forgive yourself, forgive the universe, and if possible - forgive your ex. Understand that everyone carries their own injuries, and that your ex is fighting his or her own demons.
Play Fair With Your Ex:
You need to become more aware in order to move forward with your life. If this means self protection, then self protect. If this means, allowing the kids to see an ex that you hate, but who, nevertheless, has decent parenting skills - let it happen. The burdens of the past only prevent you from making the soundest decisions. And, taking care of business with your ex properly feels good.
Accept Your Situation:

You are now in a place where you can understand what happened to you more clearly. Maybe your narcissistic ex did not truly love you, maybe he cheated on you or, maybe he dismissed your needs. Acceptance is necessary, and at some point you need to stop fighting the past so you can accept the present. This does not mean that you shouldn't learn from your mistakes - to accept means to see things clearly. We don't need to go through life feeling like victims in order to protect ourselves.
In the aftermath a painful break-up, your emotions may seem too much, but I urge you to experience them all, from the outrage to the hurt, to the self doubt and the fear of what's coming next. Grief work is required; it helps the healing.
 Grieving is the spiritual equivalent to the body slowly healing a bad wound. Grief brings you through pain to disbelief, to anger, to "only ifs," to profound sadness, to loss - and then to acceptance. It gets triggered again and again, taking you over when you least expect it. But, grief does get worked through. The wound heals. We are left with acceptance of what is.

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10 Surprising & Simple Ways to Get Your Sexy On!

10 Surprising & Simple Ways to Get Your Sexy On! 

I have years of experience seeing women come into my pole dancing class with no clue as to how beautiful and sexy they really are. It is sad for me that these women don't claim what is rightfully theirs. We are created to be sexy and somehow, life gets in the way and we either forgot it or we never found it. But, it is there!
In our 20s, it's easy to feel sexy. You are fresh-faced, hopeful, easily excited and ready for anything. Your body is strong, shapely and designed to get attention. But as life moves forward, maybe you've suffered a few hard knocks, had your heart broken (possibly many times) gotten married, had children, gotten divorced, suffered the death of loved ones and frankly, just gotten older and you no longer feel sexy or desirable. There is a realization that something is missing in your life but you're not sure what it is or how to reclaim it or even if you should.
Does this mean you no longer have "it"? Is "it" gone forever? Not necessarily, after years of teaching women of all ages, sizes, and shapes, I can assure you, you haven't lost it! Maybe it's buried deep down or has never been really excavated, but it is there, I promise. So how to do get it back?
I have found 10 surprising and simple things to do to get it back. I said "surprising" because it's not what you think. I'm not asking you to shorten your skirts, wear heels or show cleavage. And "simple" because the concepts make sense but they are not "easy", two very different things. Being sexy is overwhelmingly powerful and standing in your power is not an easy thing to do. Simple, yes, but easy, no! So open up your mind and getting rid of old stereo-types you may have about sexy. It's worth a try, I promise! 

1. Redefine "sexy:" Not just Victoria Secret sexy or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition sexy. Nowhere in the definition above does it say, "beautiful, shapely, big breasts, perfect skin, glossy hair, and flawless". While models or celebrities may be a collective version of sexy, it is not the only one. Look at women you know that you find sexy. More likely than not, they are regular looking women with a great attitude, comfort in their bodies and a flirtatious nature.
2. Start from where you are: Don't think because you never felt you were sexy before that you can't be sexy from this point forward. Just the desire to be sexy is a great starting point to finding your version of sexy.
3. Change your attitude about sexy: We are designed to be attractive to the opposite sex. The hourglass shaped body on a woman implies fertility and good mothering. This doesn't mean 36-24-36. It means there is a ratio that is considered attractive and most women have this ratio. Take good care of yourself, your body, mind, & soul and the sexy will follow.
4. Don't limit yourself: Stop saying you can't! I know for sure you can. Your self-talk is so important. How can you thrive if you are constantly telling yourself that you cannot do what you want to do? I often tell my students they are not allowed to say "can't" in my class. Why? Because they can. I know they can even if they don't but their words prevent them from digging in their heels (stilletos in this case) and giving it their all.
5. Don't let others define you: Or, put you in a "box". You are not just a mother, daughter, or sibling. Nor are you just a class clown, cute as a button, or a serious businesswoman. You have many facets and acknowledging other facets of your personality not only makes you more interesting, it makes you sexy.
6. Don't compare yourself to others: No one is a better you than you! Embrace your special gifts and talents and appreciate other women's gifts and talents. Comparing is futile and destructive. Destructive because it undermines your self-love. Focus on what you do well, laugh at what you don't and love yourself for all your little idiosyncrasies.
7. Ask for what you want: What you really want, not what you think you should want, ex. kids, career, husband, boyfriend, soft serve yogurt vs. premium ice cream. Knowing what you want increases your self confidence and relieves you of over-pleasing and being wishy-washy, neither is sexy.
8. Dress to feel fabulous for yourself: Forget about short skirts or cleavage if you are uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable prevents you from being your best self. Wear what makes you feel amazing, like a cashmere sweater or silk blouse. The better you feel, the more likely you are to push the envelope and play with clothing. If you feel great exposing more skin and showing off your body, then go right ahead. Forget about what other people think and claim your space in this world.
9. Focus on what you love about your body: Stop beating yourself up for extra weight, stretch marks and cellulite. We all have it or will be getting it shortly. Get over it and love your body for what it can do for you. Focus on its mobility, health and the mere fact that you can take another breathe. Life it too short to hate the vehicle you are traveling in. Or if you can't accept it, then change it! But doing nothing and hating your body is just a waste of time.
10. Find the fun: Emotions are contagious. Don't believe me, be in a room with sad, depressed and unhappy people for even an hour and notice how you feel. Conversely, focus on the joys in life and what you love about yourself and others and you become a people magnet. People want to be around you. Flirt, laugh and enjoy every experience. It's very sexy!
None of the about involves what a man finds sexy. Because sexy isn't about what they think, it's about how you feel. Feel sexy, happy and confident and you will attract more than your fair share of attention and if not, who cares? You're having a blast!

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Top 10 Secrets Of Highly Successful Couples

Top 10 Secrets Of Highly Successful Couples 

 

You know those couples whose love you envy? Here's how to be one of those couples.
Over lunch with a friend one day, Kevin was asked about the "secret of your obviously happy and healthy love relationship."
Kevin responded, "I married a wonderful woman and made the commitment to apply myself to the relationship with the same energy that I place into other important areas of my life: school, work, health, friendships. I didn't want to be casual about the relationship nor take it for granted. My partner has pretty much done the same thing. Consequently, we make a great team. I can't imagine being without her. "
Highly successful couples like Kevin and his wife know that making the relationship a top priority is vital. They don't allow it to derail. They know the ingredients that are necessary to keep each other content, happy, healthy and satisfied. To put it simply, philosopher Paul Tillich observed, "Any deep relationship to another human being requires watchfulness and nourishment."


So listen up: Here are the 10 secrets of highly successful couples:
1. Successful couples enjoy each other. It's just that simple. They like to be together, talk together, do things together. Former Beatle Ringo Starr has been married to his wife Barbara for more than three decades. He says the "secret" to the couple's longevity is this: "I'm just blessed that she puts up with me. I love the woman. She loves me. There are less down days than up, and we get on really well. We spend a lot of time together. That's the deal. "
2. Successful couples fight skillfully. "In conflict, be fair and generous," is wisdom from The Tao. When two people live together, they are bound to have differences of opinion and disagreements. Successful couples fight but do it skillfully; in a way that leaves the relationship stronger, not weaker. One technique they employ is their choice of words. For example, University of California (Berkeley) researchers looked at "connected" couples and discovered that they tend to use plural pronouns ("we", "us" and "ours") rather than singular pronouns ("I", "me" and "mine"). As a result, they were less likely to feel stressed out after the disagreement than couples who used singular pronouns. "Using 'we language' during a fight helps couples align themselves on the same team, as opposed to being adversaries," notes lead author Benjamin Seider.
3. Successful couples seek and offer forgiveness. They may not forgive and forget, but they do forgive and let it go. When they have done something wrong or hurtful, they offer an apology. When they are the wronged party, they accept the gift of an apology. Successful couples travel the pathway toward forgiving, which is outlined by author Clarissa Pinkola Estes, who cites these four stages for arrival at complete forgiveness:


- Forebear: Abstain from punishing, neither thinking about it nor acting on (the offense) in small or large ways. Give a bit of grace to the situation.
- Forget: Refuse to dwell; let go and loosen one's hold, particularly on memory. To forget is an active - not passive - endeavor.
- Forgive: Make a conscious decision to cease to harbor resentment, which includes forgiving a debt and giving up one's resolve to retaliate.


4. Successful couples are in for the long haul. "There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either in or you're out. There's no such thing as life in between," says professional basketball coach Pat Riley. Successful couples don't just make promises to each other; they commit. After a marriage that spans 30 years, a couple named Doris and Jim say, "We are happy together because we have lived out our vows - for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health." When Doris was in a serious auto accident a few years ago she remembers that "Jim was there all the way. He's an incredible husband, the most selfless person. He's the only person in the world I know I can count on."
5. Successful couples are positive about each other. Marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph.D, says happy couples have relationships "characterized by respect, affection and empathy, and they pay close attention to what's happening in each other's lives." Furthermore, his research reveals that happy and stable couples "made five positive remarks for every one negative remark when they were discussing conflict. In contrast, couples headed for divorce offered less than one positive remark for every single negative remark

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Sex Tonight – 10 Ways To Woo Your Woman

Sex Tonight - 10 Ways To Woo Your Woman 

 

Sex is important to men, not just because it's fun, but also because it's a way of establishing a deep connection with women

want sex tonight, we all want sex tonight but we want the right kind of sex. We don't want the old, macho, sex where we just go for quick pleasure. We don't want to dominate our woman and hope she enjoys herself. We don't want to hope for the best, hope that we get it right, hope our desire is returned

Give her the attention she desires - all the time.1Don't drift back into your shell, your man-cave, when she is around.
2. Be totally present with herYou need to understand what she is saying and what she wants.
3. Anticipate her needs and desiresYou should know her so well that you give her what she wants before she realises she wants it.
4. Surprise herWomen love a man who does something different. Leave the old patterns behind, catch her off guard.
5. Read the signalsShe wants you to make the first move, but she wants you to know that she is ready. So many men completely miss the signals.
6. Know what you wantYou need to be certain of what you want, no hesitation or doubt. Be a rock.
7. Communicate what you wantShe needs to know that you are strong and certain. It can free her from doubt or mistrust in you.
8. Remember, she started long before youSex for a woman begins long before a man thinks it does. If you have it right she's off before you realise it.
9. Remember sex is intimacy, be intimateIt you look on it as just a physical act you'll get nowhere, connect with her, deeply.
10. Relax and have some funThat's what it's all about isn't it

Please comment on the subject put

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How To Love A Woman - 10 Ways For Men To Love

How To Love A Woman - 10 Ways For Men To Love 

Men seek comfort, confirmation that they are ok. Most men are, at heart, uncertain about themselves. Men want answers to many questions, an important one is "How to love a woman

Here are 10 ways to access this love and create an amazing relationship, how to love a woman:

1. Start by loving yourself

Start by loving yourself
If you are unable to love yourself, you are unable to love someone else.
This is something that men, particularly, have trouble with. You might respect yourself, think you are absolutely amazing, but loving yourself, that's a bit sissy.
No it's not, it's the basis of life and the basis of a balanced personality. If you have a troubled relationship you should look, first of all, to yourself, this is often where the trouble lies.

2. Tell her you love her

Tell her you love her
This is lesson two of how to love a woman. Tell her you love her!
This means saying the words so she completely understands and is in no doubt about it. You love her. She needs you to say this all the time and she needs you to volunteer it, not say it in reply to her questioning.
The worst thing you can say is, "You know I do." She doesn't, that's why she's asking ... Duh ...

3. Just love her for herself

Just love her for herself
Your love is not conditional, it is not based on any special qualities. You love her.
Women have qualities we love in them, perhaps they're smart, or sexy, or inspirational, or funny, or even rich. This is not why you love her, you love her just because of her, nothing else.
Even though you celebrate everything that she is, even though you worship her for what she does in the world, she needs to know that you simply love her, no matter what. This is so crucial.

4. Live in your power

Live in your power
Whilst a man in love is an emotional being he must not stop being the man he is.
Your love should come from the power inside yourself, from your very soul. The love must be part of your power as a man and it must be part of how you live.
You must remain just who you are, you must be the man she met and fell in love with.
She finds excitement in your masculine strength, particularly when it laced with love. Don't ever let her down.

5. Don't live in the past

Don't live in the past
Never dwell on the past and use it to judge your woman.
Life does not always treat us well and we certainly don't always treat life well. Things go wrong and we mess up. Strife in our loving relationship is something to let go of once it's over, it's something to let slip into the past.
We must learn the lessons and move on ensuring that we don't go there again. Move on and live, always, in the present.

6. Get to know her

Get to know her
How often do you say, "My wife doesn't understand me." What you really mean is, "I don't understand my wife."
Love can only grow and deepen through understanding. You can never get to the point where you think you know everything about her, no woman is that simple. She is a complex person that even she doesn't understand.
You need to love her and get to know her with patience and determination.

7. Count your blessings

Count your blessings
Count the blessings you have together, the things you have achieved together, all that you are as a couple.
This should be a regular part of your life together. While I said, above, don't live in the past, it's ok to recount the great things in the past. This must be tempered with looking at the amazing things you are going to do in the future.
As a rule of thumb it is advisable to expect a future way beyond one that you can imagine. Expectations can lead to frustration if they limit you, expecting them to go way beyond is a good step into the future.

8. Give love, always

Give love, always
Love is about giving rather than receiving.
Love is a creative force that grows out of the desire to give more than you receive.
It is crucial that you are able to receive the love that is offerred to you otherwise it quickly dies, but you have to focus on the contribution you make to her.
"Give and you shall receive", but give without expecting anything in return.

9. Pay attention to her

Pay attention to her
Women need attention all the time.
It is absolutely vital that you understand this. Many of the annoying habits that women have are merely attempts to get your attention. Take heed of them and pay attention.
Men are focused and directed and can easily lose themselves in what they are doing. This is one of the qualities that many women love in their men, but not to the exclusion of them.
You need to find a balance that shows how important your woman is to you without losing your passion for your mission.

10. Start afresh each day

Start afresh each day
Start again as if it was the first day of the relationship.
Welcome her into your world and look forward to your day together. Give her your love and tell her you love her. Do it again in a different way and repeat. I'm sure I don't have to tell you where to go from here.
This refreshing of your love will keep it alive and bring you closer to each other. Through this your love will deepen and become an essential part of everyday you spend together

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Signs You're Not Ready for a Serious 16 Relationship

Signs You're Not Ready for a Serious 16 Relationship (sam hem )

Should you keep it casual or are you ready to make a serious commitment in love? Use the 16 signs to know if you're ready for a serious relationship. By Amelie Lee

It's not always your fault if you feel like you're not ready for a serious relationship.You could be dating someone who truly loves you, but as much as you try, there may be circumstances when you just can't fall in true love with them, even if you really like them a lot and love dating them!Have you ever been there?Have you ever dated someone who seems perfect for you, but you just couldn't see him or her as a long-term partner?
A serious commitment in love is not something you can force yourself to feel.Sometimes, it may be a clear case of cold feet before the plunge, and at other times, maybe you're just not with the person who's the other perfect half of your jigsaw puzzle.But if you are really serious about getting serious in love, you have to learn to take the plunge at some point in time.Of course, you may come across failures and bad relationships, but you need to remember that you won't have any new lessons or experiences in love if you're too timid to give your heart to someone who wants to spend a lifetime with you .Are you just looking for an excuse?Why do you hold yourself back from falling in love, really? Do you tell everyone else that you're not ready only because you have a secret checklist of likes and dislikes in your mind when you look out for a partner?And instead of appearing vain and conceited, and reveal that you haven't found a person worthy enough to date you, do you find it easier to tell everyone that you're not ready to make a serious commitment? [Read: The real reason behind why YOU can't find love when everyone else can! ]If that's how you secretly feel, don't fall for your own trick and convince yourself that you really aren't ready for love. The mind can be a silly thing at times, and it can be very easy to fool it! If you're looking for love, but haven't found it just yet, there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't shut the doors to love just yet.Do you fall madly in love all the time?While there are a few people who hold themselves back all the time, there are many others who completely succumb to love within the first week or so. They obsess about their new lover, drive themselves up the wall thinking about the together time, and fall head over heels in love in no time!It's not fair to stay guarded all the time in a new relationship, but on the other hand, it's never a good thing to be so smitten by love early into the relationship that you can't differentiate between right and wrong until you're way past the infatuation period because it would only make you hurt a lot more!So are you ready for a serious relationship?You can't always predict if your heart is ready for love, or if your mind would just be happier indulging in the fling thing for a while, but here are a few questions you can ask yourself to find out what your heart and mind wants .16 signs you're not ready for a serious commitment in loveAre you confused over whether you'd be happier in love, or happier just flitting from one lover to another over the short term? Here are 16 signs that can help you decode your mind better in no time.# 1 You think you haven't dated enough people. 

 Do you feel like it's too early to commit to an exclusive relationship? If you think you're too inexperienced to "settle" into a serious relationship just yet, because you're still having so much fun keeping it simple, perhaps, you're just not ready for true love yet. [Confession: I want to be single again! ]# 2 You're being a fake. 

 In a new relationship, many people don't reveal their true selves and their true ideas because they're afraid they may not be liked for who they really are? Are you one of these people? If you're not being yourself around the person who loves you, just so you can please this person with your perfect behavior, both of you are definitely not ready for a serious commitment.# 3 Ex woes.

 You still have feelings for your ex. You're trying to move on, but you're still tortured by your ex's memories and the good times both of you shared together. If your ex dominates your present lover in your mind, you definitely have some old issues to fix before moving on.# 4 You haven't evolved. 

 Over your past relationships, have you learnt any lessons or picked any flaws about yourself? As one sided as mistakes in love can be, there are always lessons for both partners to learn from, evolve and improve themselves.If you've always believed you've been right all along and have never been wrong in any past relationship, then you surely have a lot to learn. When you don't self reflect on your past relationships, and correct yourself while learning from your past romances, you'll always find yourself in square one all the time.# 5 You don't feel the compatibility. 

 You like the person you're dating, but somewhere at the back of the mind, something just doesn't feel right. And both of you seem too different from each other to last past the infatuation stage in love.# 6 A distraction. 

 Are you using the relationship only as a distraction to ignore or overcome a big problem that's troubling your mind? A rebound relationship may work very well here, as long as you make your intentions clear from the very beginning.# 7 You're too independent. 

 You don't like the idea of ​​having to * report * to someone every few hours about your whereabouts over the phone. You don't like feeling obligated to meet someone or spend time with them, even though you really like their company. You just love your independence, and when you date someone, you feel like your freedom is being taken away from you.# 8 Serial dating. 

 You're a serial dater, and you love it! You love the idea of ​​falling in love, but you can't seem to ever get past the infatuation stage with anyone you date. The relationship starts out perfectly, but as the rush of infatuation starts to leave the door, so do you!# 9 Two minds. You're dating someone you really like, but your mind is still committed to someone else.  

And that makes you feel guilty to get into a serious new relationship. You may have just come out of a relationship, or perhaps, you're still in a flickering relationship with someone else.If your mind is ever confused over two people at the same time, wait a while to decide on the right course before you commit to a serious relationship with one of them.# 10 Rescue mission. You don't want to date someone because of how wonderful they are.

 You want to date someone so you can rescue them from their troubles! You date a person, not to share a life together with that person, but to feel good about yourself while rescuing them from their misery or pain.# 11 Emotionally unavailable. You just don't feel the need to connect with someone emotionally.  

You clam up when it comes to talking about your feelings, and even if something hurts you or bothers you, you'd rather deal with it in your own way, instead of confronting the situation with the person involved.If you're emotionally unavailable, it doesn't matter who you fall in love with, but most of your relationships will end up failing because you'd leave everyone around you feeling infuriated because they just can't understand you for the person you are.# 12 That gaping void. Are you falling in love with this person because you love them? Or are you dating this person in the hope that they can fill that hollow emptiness you feel inside?Here's a lesson you need to remember. You can't ever truly love someone or appreciate them unless you love yourself first. Only when you feel complete from within can you see the good in someone else, otherwise you'd only see the missing pieces of your own life in others.# 13 Pressure. You're being forced into the relationship by your overly concerned friends or family. 

 Everyone around you may think this person is perfect for you, and they may convince you that dating this person is the best decision you'd ever make! But somehow, you don't feel the same way about the person even if you're in a relationship with them!# 14 You don't pursue them.

 You like a particular person, you flirt with them and even date them. But as much as you admire them or desire them, you don't choose to make the effort to pursue them. You don't mind dating them if they pursue you, but you aren't really interested in pursuing them back. It may seem like you're playing hard to get, but chances are, you may not be too interested in them either.# 15 Trust issues. You like the person 

, but no matter how hard you try, you just don't find them trustworthy. Trust is the foundation of a perfect relationship, so if you can't learn to trust them, you definitely aren't ready for a serious relationship with them.# 16 Love is not a high priority for you 

. You've got nothing against the idea of ​​getting into a serious relationship, but there are other things in your life that are more important to you at this point in time.Even if your partner accepts the idea right now that they're not high on your list of priorities, they would definitely change their mind a few months down the lane because no lover would want to be on the lower side of a partner's list of priorities .
There's a thin line between a casual relationship and a serious one. And if you see any of these 16 signs that you're not ready for a serious relationship in your own life, step back for a while, at least until you truly feel you're ready to take that next step in romance. Otherwise, you'd just end up hurting your lover, and yourself too

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